I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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