I am midnight drunk by noon
do herpes really smell.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
you never un-have a 4some
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
