There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
