I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
