how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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