D3 body, D1 cock
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
no, he came in my armpit
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
