I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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