I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
