Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
