Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
