As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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