How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
