what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
