i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
