Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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