my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
