Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
