As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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