He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
