this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
