I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
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