you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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