the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
