A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
