Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
