dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
