i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
