dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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