That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
