apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
