Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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