Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
