I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
