Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
