New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
