you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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