I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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