I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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