you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
