ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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