Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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