i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
