you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
