dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
