Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
