Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
