he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
