is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
