Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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