it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
