Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
