it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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